Helping children through the holidays

Christmas can be a difficult time for everyone, but for children in separated families – how do they cope? What support mechanisms are there for them?

The following Q and A, with Kids Helpline General Manager Wendy Protheroe, has tips on how to help kids cope this festive season.

Q: What kinds of calls does Kids Helpline get during the holidays?

A: While most of us think of Christmas as a happy time, this isn't always the case. It is often a time of mixed emotions. Happiness, excitement, anger, grief – they can all come into play. Families can bring out the best and worst in us and it sometimes leads to conflict. This can also be a very stressful time for kids who have lost loved ones or are dealing with a family separation.

Throughout the holidays Kids Helpline counsellors field more calls and online queries about family relationships, emotional and behavioural problems, suicide, homelessness and grief than at other times of the year.

Q: When parents split up, chances are that kids might have two Christmases – one with each parent. How can they help their children cope with these arrangements?

A: Christmas can be especially difficult for separated families – after all being with children adds to the fun of this festivity. So deciding where they will spend Christmas can create conflict and anger. Kids pick up on this and it makes them stressed.

It is best if you can make these decisions early and be rational about it to reduce the impacts on children. Including them in the decision process can help them understand the situation. Some kids worry about the parent who will be alone for Christmas so you might need to reassure them and help them find ways to be in touch with the lone parent on Christmas day.

It can also be tough for kids who have to fit into a new family. They might have grown up with a different way of doing things and you might need to spend some time helping them settle in. Perhaps ask if there is something special they would like to include on the day. It is a huge day for children so celebrating it twice can be exhausting for them. You should be patient and not expect too much.

Q: What's your number one tip for parents to avoid tension at Christmas time, for the benefit of their children?

A: The key is to plan ahead – with as much of the Christmas celebration as possible. Definitely make early arrangements to decide where children will spend Christmas and Boxing Days. If possible, involve the children in the process and make sure everyone in the family knows what is happening ahead of time.

It is also advisable to have a budget and stick to it. This might require planning the Christmas dinner menu ahead of time, buying non-perishable food over a period of weeks and asking family members to contribute to dinner. You might also make careful choices about Christmas presents. If you can do this in advance you are less likely to get caught up in the marketing and shopping hype, which can lead to over spending and increased tension.

Q: What support is out there for kids if they need someone to talk to?

A: Kids Helpline counsellors are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week and can be contacted by phone on 1800 55 1800 or online at www.kidshelp.com.au. All Kids Helpline counsellors are qualified professionals, trained to assist with any issue young people aged 5-25 years might be facing. No problem is too big or too small. All contact with Kids Helpline is confidential.